Writing is/is not real life

Posted: May 26, 2012 in Writing

Sometimes it’s easy for us as writers to blur the lines between our writing life and real life. And there are many reasons why that happens. But there are also good reasons why we should not let that happen.

This is real life. Spending time with my son Matt and grandson Gavin.

My writing career really took off when my father was dying of cancer. It hit me hard, knowing that my father would be gone from my life in a matter of months. In fact, I went to counseling because I was so depressed. As part of my unofficial therapy (and I didn’t realize it was such until later), I started writing stories that had to do with incidents growing up that involved my father. The fact that I was writing something personal and emotional I think played a big part in my finally getting published. I developed a name among certain magazines, and my ability to get published took off from there.

And I continue to tell my students that their best writing will always come from the emotional, often painful, parts of their lives. Delving into those thoughts and memories gives us a power of description and emotion that we otherwise don’t have. I have a tendency to want to write escapist literature, but I know that even that is best when it has personal touches in it.

But writing is not real life. Those who are obsessive as I am about writing have to be careful. Having been published many times, I realize that getting your name on a book cover or a byline in a magazine is not going to make your daily challenges go away. Being recognized by readers won’t pay your bills (at least all of them). It’s a nice feeling, being published and being recognized. But in the end, it’s just another job.

And that’s the quandary. Writing is more than a job–it’s an identity. But it’s not all of your life. Nor should it be.

Here’s a brief look at the first book in my Champion series, set to come out later this summer:

That night Harris couldn’t sleep, so after Katya was pleasantly snoring, he got up, got dressed and drove down to the church. He felt like Alice in Wonderland. The more he investigated, the more he looked for hard facts, the more surreal the whole situation became.

Harris entered the darkened sanctuary and immediately felt like turning some lights on. He knew that God was very close, yet now he knew that evil was close as well. And he had a hunch that he’d receive another visit tonight.

Harris waited for about fifteen minutes; for what, he wasn’t sure. But when his visitor did come, he was totally caught off-guard. The locked metal double doors leading from the church lobby to the parking lot began to rattle, as if someone were trying to open them, or were trying to get his attention. Considering how easily the Messenger had arrived before, Harris doubted that this was him.

He pushed the crash bar and opened the left side. At the edge of the darkness outside stood an elderly man dressed in some stained, torn coveralls. The man held a floppy hat between two hands and looked up at Harris from a grizzled, weather-beaten face.

The church had seen its share of panhandlers, homeless, and families just down on their luck. They weren’t far from Reno, and casinos and other gambling spots scattered throughout the desert did their best to destroy the finances of a lot of families. Harris was used to taking needy people to breakfast, lunch or dinner, and stocking their waiting automobiles up with either gasoline or canned food from their Community Services stores.

At first glance, this guy looked to Harris like more of the same. Then he looked into his clear, grey eyes and recognized the first look of ageless maturity that he’d seen in the 16 year old’s eyes two nights before. It was him.

Harris paused, then peered skeptically at the visitor.

“You’re him. Aren’t you? The Messenger, I mean?” The old man stared back with a faint smile, then nodded quickly.

“I know it takes some getting used to,” he said to Harris. “Over the years I’ve appeared to countless humans in countless situations. And each time I have had to take on a form appropriate to the occasion. When you do that so much, you get used to changing your appearance just as a human would change clothes.”

Harris continued to stare.

“Oh, come on, Harris,” he chuckled. “Most people never get a visit from heaven—at least that they’re aware of—and you’ve had two. Plus you got a glimpse of the real me. If you can’t get past changing physical form—which is highly overrated—how will you deal with the rest of it?”

Harris blinked, and shook himself.

“Right.”

“I see you’ve been doing some research. What have you learned?” The Messenger asked through perfect white teeth.

“That hundreds of families—maybe thousands—are being financially destroyed by this company called Universal Finance. That no one can contact them or even find out anything about them. And that they’re dangerous.”

The Messenger smiled thinly. “Oh, you have no idea how dangerous.” He shook his head slowly. “You’ve seen the tip of the iceberg. And if you know anything about icebergs, you know that ten percent is above the water, but 90 percent is below the surface. Want to see what lies beneath those waves?”

Harris looked at The Messenger seriously. “I don’t know. Do I?”

The Messenger stared at him beneath bushy eyebrows as if trying to read something written on his soul. “Have you changed your mind? Perhaps you’ve learned that when you ask God for something, He takes your request seriously?”

Harris suddenly felt at a loss for words. “What if…what if I don’t…can’t….”

“What if you decide you can’t do the task that God has given you? Will He love you any less?” The Messenger reached out his hand and held his open palm against the side of Harris’ head. “I think you know the answer to that.” And he did. God couldn’t love him any more than He did right then. But Harris also knew that he would be losing out on something special if he refused to be used by God.

“You need to decide right now if you want to continue with this,” The Messenger said to Harris, his hand still resting against his face. “If you don’t, things will go back to the way they were. If you do continue, don’t be surprised if things get worse than you could ever imagine.”

As they stood together in the foyer of the church, Harris took a deep breath and let it out. He realized that his involvement with this involved Katya as well. And yet, she knew what was going on. He made his decision.

“God has opened the door for me,” Harris said. “I can’t do anything but go in.”

“Very well,” The Messenger said. “You’ve made your choice, but other choices will need to be made too.” The grizzled stranger walked up the center aisle of the sanctuary and climbed the steps onto the church platform, and Harris was amazed at how natural it seemed for him to be up there.

“What do you know of the story of Elijah?” The Messenger asked.

“You kidding? I’m a pastor,” Harris said. “His story starts with his arrival before Ahab, king of Israel, to tell him there would be a drought until he said otherwise.”

“And why did he do this?”

“Because Ahab led the country in worship of the false-god Baal.”

The Messenger nodded.  “And how did the confrontation end?”

“Elijah invited the priests of Baal to the top of Mount Carmel where he challenged them to a test…sort of a barbeque. The first side that could get their god to light their sacrifice on the altar would win. It would show that their god had the power. Elijah won because our God exists, whereas Baal doesn’t.”

“Wrong,” The Messenger said. “I should know. I was there.” He strode swiftly forward and grabbed Harris’ wrist, his eyes wide with energy. “Watch and learn!”

Harris felt a moment of disorientation, when he felt that the universe had been turned on its side. Then he looked down on a bleak landscape. He could see figures, humans, gathered on a mountaintop far below. The terrain was barren like the moon, and the sky around him was deep blue without the hint of a cloud.

The sky was cloudless, yet Harris was tempted to rub his eyes, for there were strange shapes floating, swirling, here and there. Brilliant points of light hung above the ground at different altitudes. The lights rolled through the sky like fireflies, some touching near the earth, other soaring high over his head.

Then Harris noticed the lights contrasted with dark patches; places in the sky that reminded him of how he imagined a black hole might look. When he looked into the darkest patch, he felt a pang of depression and failure.

Although he was high above the earth, he felt no motion. He turned and saw that The Messenger, brilliantly shining, still held his wrist.

“What is this I am seeing?” he asked.

The Messenger’s face shone. “This is Elijah on Mount Carmel, as I remember it. You are seeing good and evil as they are, more or less. But perhaps you prefer a more traditional view of the conflict.” He waved his hand and the scene changed.

Suddenly Harris felt the motion of flying through the air. Around him, wisps of black and white swirled like feathers caught in a whirlpool. And suddenly he realized that they were not feathers. They were angels. And the wisps were massive in size.

And there were a lot of them. Thousands, in fact. The sky was full, and there seemed to be some sort of conflict going on.

“Incredible,” Harris said, relaxing a little bit, but not too much. “Is every angel’s memory this vivid?”

“Yours would be too, but thousands of years of sin have corrupted your minds,” he said. “Look over there.” Harris looked where he pointed at a giant red figure, struggling against countless white angels who held him back. Harris looked back at The Messenger.

“That is Baal,” he explained. “His name in heaven was different. Baal means ‘Lord’. He’s chosen the path of rebellion. He’s a mighty power to be dealt with, for he’s one of Satan’s chief lieutenants. He has sixty-six legions at his command.”

“Sixty-six legions,” Harris repeated, adding in his head. “That’s more than 360,000 angels.”

“Evil angels,” The Messenger corrected him. “Or demons, if you prefer.” He looked up at the massive demon that it took hundreds of angels to hold back. “They gain their strength and status when they can convince humans to worship them. That’s why this conflict is so important.”

Harris looked below him and saw that the priests of Baal had been cutting themselves and calling upon the restrained demon to set flame to their sacrifice. As Harris watched, a lone figure told them to clear out of the way.  He suspected that the simply dressed man must be Elijah, and he longed to get a closer look at him.

As if in response, The Messenger bolted out of the sky and carried him to within a few yards of the long-haired, bearded Elijah. Harris watched as servants carried water and poured it over the dead animal that Elijah had laid on his altar. Then he knelt simply and prayed silently to God.

Except from the perspective of angels, the prayer was not silent. It ripped through the atmosphere like a sonic boom and made the demons around them scream and clutch their ears. They began to fly higher and higher in a spiral, as if to escape the prayer words that blasted against their ears like a gong. Then a cry went up, which turned into a blood-curdling scream.

Above Harris the sky opened, and he saw what must have been the gates of heaven. Harris knew that no words can ever describe it. But before he could even get a conscious fix on it, something brilliant began to pour through those gates. It was fire.

A stream of fire fell from the sky, and his hair stood on the back of his neck.

“Behold the glory of the Lord!” The Messenger shouted, and he was joined by a thousand others. The fire roared through the atmosphere like a comet, and boomed into the old stone altar and sacrifice below them. It devoured everything it touched.

As one, those who had worshipped Baal fell to the ground and proclaimed God as Lord and Master of all. And as Harris watched them begin to worship the True God, the strength of the demon called Baal visibly diminished until he vanished from sight.

“Is he gone? Dead?” Harris wondered aloud.

“No, not dead,” said The Messenger. “Not until the Lake of Fire at the end. But he has lost power for now.” The angel looked at the place that had been occupied by the monster demon. “He gains strength when he’s worshipped.”

The Messenger looked at Harris seriously. “Remember what you’ve seen here.”

Harris looked back at him, dumbfounded. How could I ever forget what I’ve seen?”

“I’m grateful to you for showing me what you have,” Harris said to The Messenger. “But what does this have to do with the task God has for me?”

The Messenger carried Harris high above the earth, and Harris watched as God’s angels chased random demons from the sky.

“This man you investigated, this Kenneth Deke,” the angel said slowly.

“Yes?” Harris responded curiously. “He’s the man in charge of Universal Finance.”

“He is not in charge,” The Messenger said. “Baal is.”

I don’t think I am alone when I tell the truth that there was always something in me that wanted to change the world.

However, you see the world–in need of God, unfair, abusive, frightening–I believe that everyone has a desire to change it. Writers are slightly different because most of us believe that one story–the right story, told to the right people on the right day in just the right way–can change things. And as you think back on your own life, anyone who reads avidly can probably remember at least one book or story or poem that had a significant impact on them. That’s what motivates a lot of writers to do what they do. They want to say those right words and make a difference.

Well, here’s a tidbit from my million years or so of experience: It’s not what we do that counts. It’s who we are.

That profound statement has taken me years to understand, and I’m not sure I still even understand it completely. But I will tell you what I do know. Writing is a reflection of the writer. If you want to write a story that changes lives, the first thing you have to do is change yourself. We can’t help it. It’s impossible to write an earth-changing story unless we sincerely believe the things we are writing. And as I go through life, I find that many more people are inspired by the little things I do–things I do unintentially as opposed to sermons about rightness or goodness–than they are by my stories. Chances are, an idea might jog someone’s mind or conscience. But often it’s the little, unintentional things that have the biggest impact.

This isn’t put here to discourage you. Far from it. What it means is that we just need to practice what we preach. And then when it comes to the writing part, just have fun. Let the story live; let the characters breathe. If you’re sincerely living the live you propose, the story will reflect it.

But in the end, remember it is just a story. On the other hand, your life is a living story to those around you. And what you are is a lot more powerful than the words you put on paper.

 

A day or two ago an author friend of mine on Facebook commented that she secretly enjoyed reading someone’s published work and then realizing that she could write better than they could.

Well, Ingrid, you’re not alone there. Writing is a solitary, very often thankless, job. And we have to take joy wherever we can find it.

I mentioned the other day being treated like a rock star by a class full of sixth graders last year. The reality is, there are very few sixth graders who even know who I am. But I can fantasize, can’t I? Not about sixth graders, of course. That would be terribly wrong.

One of the other joys I secretly indulge in is reading my own stuff. I know; there are purists there who never revisit their craft after they have created something. They are such perfectionists that they immediately see all the cracks and crevices in what they have created. Well, I’m more of glass half full kind of guy. I know I am not the world’s greatest writer. I know my stuff has flaws, and often that’s why I come back to it. But if no one else is going to read my stuff, at least I should give myself the opportunity to revisit my old friends in my manuscript.

And that’s what I am setting out to do today. Currently I am working my way through the three-book Christian suspense set called The Champion that will either be published mainstream or independent one of these days. I have hired my friend Edward Cheever to edit it for me. But before that happens, I need to do whatever I can to clean it up.

That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the process. I told my wife when I proposed to her that we would probably be as poor as church mice. And even though that hasn’t happened because of no income, we aren’t rich by any means.

That just leaves enjoying what you do. There’s no shame in that, is there?

Drivel

Posted: May 18, 2012 in Christianity, Religion, Writing

About six or seven years ago, I was asked to write a regular religion column for the local newspaper. It got me great local “exposure” and they didn’t care what I wrote as long as it was “religious.” The bad side of it was they didn’t pay me anything, and in the end, wouldn’t even give me a free subscription.

But addicted as I was to writing and exposure, I continued writing the column every other week for about 18 months. I got a lot of comments from people in the community who read something I wrote, most of them positive, sometimes with a correction (“Don’t you know there are 32 teams in the NFL? Not 28!”) And once when I wrote about the Antichrist I got a rise out of some of my Adventist colleagues, which is always fun.

After 18 months, I was not only disgruntled about the fact that they wouldn’t even give me a complementary subscription, I was running out of things to say. I remember at one point writing about how I hate traffic in Miami, and how I especially hate people who don’t use turn signals when they turn. The trick was always turning it around so that the end message was somehow “religious.”

I got as a creative as I could, but finally I quit. When they asked me why, I told them that I had simply run out of ideas.

Fast forward to present date. I have committed to being faithful to my blog. I started off waxing educational about the nuances of writing, sharing stuff I wrote, and trying to be exceptionally funny. Now I am down to scratching my head, adjusting my chair and writing the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t know if anyone like what I read. But I do know that I need to write something. At least you have an idea what I am doing these days. Wading through drivel to find something profound to share….

Yesterday I put my magazine to bed. I am hoping that will signal a more significant commitment to my writing projects. That may happen as soon as Monday. Or even today. When that happens, perhaps I will have more to share.

Right now I feel like, as I told a student many years ago when describing their article, “vacuous noise.”

I spent the morning working on school stuff. Yes, school is over, but I am also responsible for the school’s website and the alumni magazine (what can I say? It’s a small school.). So I am trying to get at least the magazine “put to bed” this week so that my energies can be directed at my writing stuff.

I finished editing The Champion book 1 yesterday, and promptly started thinking about a couple of other things that need to be fixed in it. My friend and former student Edward Cheever will be doing the official editing as of next Wednesday. What I worked on was making sure that the Russian vocabulary I use in the story is accurate. Interesting thing about Russian is the Cyrillic alphabet. When you go online and ask for a translation of a word like “great” from English to Russian, you get it printed back in Cyrillic. Which doesn’t help me at all when one of my characters is supposed to be speaking Russian. But I worked at it last night and I think I have it resolved.

Edward has asked for a paper version of the manuscript. My printer is on the fritz (something about needing a new cartridge? Imagine that.), so I need to get that fixed in the next day or so.

In anticipation of the new Tom Horn cover, I am reformatting the ebook and editing it again in the process. That should appear sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Summer vacation is a lazy time in some people’s minds. Not for me. Lots to do, and I know the months will fly by.

I’ve had many people tell me I am good at multitasking. I’m also pretty versatile. Both have come from a lifetime of (1) doing other jobs to pay bills while I feed my addiction for writing; and (2) juggling writing time with other responsibilities. I sincerely planned on doing nothing else this summer but work on writing and the necessary editing and marketing that comes with it. But my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she could find several indoor projects for me to do around the house when it gets too hot out to work outside. And I have to admit, based on past experience, that a life of doing nothing but writing would drive me slowly insane.

And so while I am taking care of business at my office, writing this and that, keeping in touch with my fellow bloggers, and fixing plumbing, etc. at home, I will need to keep a level of organization in my life. That’s taken many forms over the years. Used to be I kept manila folders with writing projects in them. Then it graduated to floppy disks. Now it’s flash drives. I have three flash drives that I am depending on to keep me organized.

I learned during my tenure as a doctoral student to always back up your work in multiple locations. Even now, eight years after receiving my PhD, I still have copies of my dissertation in its many stages, along with hundreds of pages of notes. And that material is in hard copy form, on my desktop computer at home, and at my office on the school’s mainframe somewhere. Why? Being a doctoral students makes you incredibly paranoid about losing anything, especially a dissertation that you have been working on for years.

Staying organized is a relentless task for me, one that I feel good about sometimes, and other times feel I am losing the war. Right now, I am working on the first book in my new Christian suspense series, The Champion. I did a read-through of the latest version of the book on PDF form. Now that it is time to transfer corrections to the Word version, it is nowhere to be seen. I know that it exists somewhere; otherwise, why would I have a PDF version? Nevertheless, I may be forced to find an older version of the manuscript if I can’t find the latest one.

Having multiple versions of a manuscript–and multiple copies of each version–is an issue that I deal with a lot. It’s a symptom of my paranoia, I guess, and I imagine it’s better than having no copy at all. And I don’t think I want to consider deleting old versions when the new one is saved. It’s something I am looking for a solution for. Maybe one of you has an idea?

And the search goes on. Wish me luck.