The Great Adventure

I came to the realization this morning that one of the big reasons I haven’t been writing more than I have is because I have been waiting for something profound to say. First big mistake.

The second was believing that you actually had to know something about what you are writing about. I can list a number of journalists who never let that stop them…uh, actually, I can’t. I guess that’s one of those things I really don’t know anything about.

But I have decided to not let ignorance stop me. With that in my pointy little head, I am going to write a two-part series aptly entitled, “What MEN really want,” followed by the appropriate and infinitely more dangerous sequel, “What WOMEN really want.” I know that many of you will disagree with me and my list of profundities. I encourage you to leave a comment or two and set me straight. If you agree with me, that’s OK too. But here goes:

1. Men want to be left alone. This is especially the case when their favorite football team is in a close game on the flatscreen in the living room. It’s not that we don’t want to hear about your shopping trip, what the girls at the office had to say, or the fact that the toilet is backed up. But when it comes to choosing between double overtime between Denver and Oakland and changing your grandson’s diapers, I vote for the overtime. Have patience with us, and we will show our appreciation later. We want to be left alone when we are doing something that is important to us, but probably not really understood by the women folk.
2. Men want a woman who is (occasionally) a sex kitten. Yah, I know. If you are my kids, you don’t want to hear that your old dad is still interested in sex. Hey, the reality is, a healthy sex life makes every other dreary thing in our lives just a bit more tolerable. And if you are committed for life to the woman of your dreams (or even a different woman), you want occasional fireworks in the old bedroom. We grow up looking forward to the day when sex is more than just dirty pictures your friend shares with you and a three-letter word. We want a woman who is just as interested in having fun as we are. Is that too much to ask?
3. Men want respect. That’s not to say that all men deserve respect. I am a firm believer that respect must be earned. But if we have earned it, we deserve it. One of my hot buttons is when women get together and point at me and say, “You have him well trained.” It’s a well known fact that the majority of women marry a guy with the intention of turning him into something he will never be. Face it, girls. You just aren’t going to change us. We will always belch, fart and forget to shave. We might mellow a bit in a few years of marriage, but if there is any fight left in us at all (and you had better pray there is), we will hang onto our God-given right to be exactly who we are. So get used to it.
4. Men want women with a brain. Once again, I married my wife with the intention of living with her the rest of my life. That means a whole mess of conversations. Now I’m no dummy, and when I was looking for a life partner, that’s one of the things I considered. Just because I want a wife who knows her way around the bedroom doesn’t mean she can’t hold her own in a discussion. I love my wife, and it’s not just for her body, or the fact that she has always earned more money than me, or that she lets me get away with lots of stuff that her friends would be shocked at. I love her mind. When we are old and grey (well, older and greyer) and all we can do is look longingly across the room at each other, I still want to be able to have a decent conversation with her.
5. Finally, men are simple. Really. We don’t want much. We don’t say one thing and do another. What you see is what you get. Don’t read into our actions, and please, please don’t expect us to read between the lines. If you want something, say so. We are easily confused. So don’t confuse us.

So that’s a really quick look at what men want—at least from women. I would add that they want someone who can cook, but if you have the other stuff, cooking really doesn’t matter.

I love my wife, and thank God for the day I found her. But she’s one in about 300 million. I’m just grateful she’s mine. In a day or two, I will add my list of What WOMEN really want.